he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
