dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
