Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
