perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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