you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
