I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize