So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
