I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dicks are not precious.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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