he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize