Swine flu. Run for my life!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
