I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
