I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
