we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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