evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
