dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
