Jerry, you need to find god
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
