Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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