there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
