peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
