I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
