I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize