Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
