Too much gin, very little bucket
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
