so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
