Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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