i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
