You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
