goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Two words: nipple clamps
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