Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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