so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
