She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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