thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
