what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize