Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
