its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
