It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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