I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
