i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
