How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
