Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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