I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
