You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
