I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
