I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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