you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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