So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
