I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
