Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
