Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
