Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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