Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize