guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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