quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
