I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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