dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
