and you said cock pushups were impossible
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
