even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
