I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
