I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
