Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize