; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize