I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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