problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
