I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize