Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
