I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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