Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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