you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
