Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
