i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
