i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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